Jesus, That's Good Sauce

By Captn Hood-Butter @ B3ta

Obama May Use Koran

Conservapedia, the world centre for conservative stupidity, tells us:

"President-elect Obama will likely become the first Muslim President, and may use the Koran to be sworn into office at his inauguration on January 20, 2009."

Here's a list of other books that President Obama "may" use to swear-in:

• The Communist Manifesto
  
• The Collected Works of John Stuart Mill*
  
• The Very Hungry Caterpillar
  
• Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
  
• One Dad, Two Dads, Brown Dad, Blue Dads
  
• A Hand In The Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting
  
• The Conservative Soul: How We Lost It, How to Get It Back

What other books "may" President-elect Obama use? Please let me know...



* "Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people,
it is true that most stupid people are conservative." - JSM

Why are Muslims backwards in science?

Today, today, the Muslims are getting backward in science. You know why? The Europeans are being advanced. You know why? The Muslims are becoming backwards because the are going away from the Holy Qur'an. They are going away from their religion.

[applause]

And do you know why the Europeans are getting advanced? They too are going away from their religion. The Europeans [applause] are also getting advanced [inaudible] they are going away from their religion. The Muslims, they are going backwards because they are going away from religion.

I would request, the Muslims [inaudible], as were non-Muslims. They are people in the Qur'an. Why don't we read the Qur'an, with understanding? Why don't we point out the verses? We have only kept the Qur'an kissing and keeping on top that's all. The Qur'an was not meant to just be kissed and kept on top. It should be implemented in your daily life.

[applause]

If you implement the Qur'an in your daily life, read it with understanding, insha'allah again we shall be on top of the world. I hope that answers your question.

- Zakir Naik

Gore Vidal: Mad 4 Obama

The only thing more painful than waiting to see if the polls were right, was the BBC's sometimes pythonesquely bad election coverage. "North Hampshire"? Lord help us.

Here's one must-see moment, tho... Gore Vidal. Mad for Obama. Seriously.



Step away from the bong, Mr Vidal...

Black Wednesday

And so, after twenty-one months of smears, bickering, and beamed-in-your-dreams media coverage, it's all over. Comrade Mullah Che Generalissimo Herr OberNAMBLAenfuhrer Barack "Hussein" Obama Bin Laden has been elected as the 44th president-designate of the United Socialist States of America.

Fuckin' A.

(Image found at Moonbattery.com).

Not everyone has been as gracious in defeat as John McCain.

NewsBusters got all grumpy when an African-American reporter on ABC teared up over there being a black President in the White House in his lifetime. How fucking dare he.



Newsbuster commenter attorneygirl just ain't quite feeling the love:

It's about race.

It's always been about race.

Now we'll all be in slavery--to a dictatorship.

I cannot now say God Bless America. Not with a Marxist as President. Not with idiots, morons, and sycophants praying to their savior Obama. He is a racist. He has pitted classes against each other.

I will now raise my rates, stop giving to charity, and will not tip any longer. I will fire employees, stop paying benefits, and stop giving my household help Christmas bonuses.

Let the government do it for me.

Bah Humbug.

I'm pulling in and becoming scrooge because the government will be taking my money. Assholes. Now everyone will see what Obama-economics really is.

And I worked my ass off to start my own business. I ate tuna (still do) and still drive an old car so that I can save money for my old age.

Screw that, right?

I will never, ever support a Democrat, a liberal, or this pseudo-president Marxist Obama.

Never.

We have experienced a coup today. And Communism won.

I will now become more self-centered than ever before.

Good on you, attorneygirl, you are a tribute to everything which lost the election for the Republicans.

I salute you. Enjoy your time at the Socialist Re-education Camp. Palin-Oh-Twelve!

Hot Air Predictions

Travel & dodgy internet connections have kept me from blogging... But they haven't kept me from the election and, unfortunately, from right-wingers furiously spinning an alternate reality where McCain is on course for victory.

Jon Swift tells all with his posts on Why John McCain will win and hidden-Obama-horror-stories.

To add to the madness, I wanted to bring you this poll from Michelle Malin's Hot Air, showing how its readers think the election is going to break:-


79% think McCain will be the next POTUS. We'll find out for sure soon enough - although I'm not sure many will share this level of Hot Air optimism:-

The GOP will gain the lead in house.
I told you so.
I’m betting they will on Intrade.com
I will make money.
Period.
Mcguyver on October 30, 2008 at 2:19 PM

Or this:

The deal is that republicans are voting down the line republican.
We are coming out in large droves to prevent an Obama presidency.
That means republicans can gain in the House, Senate, and win the White House.
jencab on October 30, 2008 at 2:21 PM

And especially this from stonemeister:

McCain may really be up by 20% or more... The “hang-up” percentage, or people who refuse to be polled, is over 85%, which is historically high. This means there is no way to assume the sample is statistically valid. It all depends on the make-up of the 85%. So we have to figure out the motives for the hang-ups. Now we’re not talking probability and statistics, by forensic psychology... Why would anyone not want to participate in a telephone poll?

In case you are wondering, it's because people might feel guilty saying "McCain" for various reasons (*cough* race), or - always my favorite - real working people (Republicans!) are too busy for polls...

That probably accounts for the vast majority of those hang-ups. How do those poll results look to you now? Instead of Obama ahead by 1 to 3%, he might really be behind by 20-30%!

Riiight.

And so to Tuesday. Are the polls accurate? Are there really more Democrats than Republicans? Is America really ready for a black president, or will millions of Americans get into those booths and say "not quite yet"? Who would blame them if they did just that, and voted for McCain instead of Obama? After all, Obama just might be an arab muslim socialist terrorist. We can't be entirely sure he isn't, right?

I mean, at least with McCain/Palin, you know exactly what you're gonna get, right? I mean, we've had people like them in charge for the past eight years. So what could possibly go wrong!?

Pernicious Cults

Those pernicious cults over at Moonbattery give us this:-

"It's a remarkable coincidence that the Obamunism logo closely resembles that of the Weather Underground Organization terrorist cult, when you consider that the Weather Underground was led by Bill Ayers, who developed Obama as a protégé, blah blah blah blah blah blah..."

Closely resembles? WTF? Memo to Moonbattery: The logos look nothing like each other.

Cringe with Cindy McCain

The horror... The horror...

Cringe with Cindy as her husband is publicly humiliated by Joe The Plumber, who fails to turn up on cue at a rally:



Palin is busy prepping for 2012. Joe, presumably, was on the phone to his agent about a possible run for congress in 2010. John tries to recover by pretending his date wasn't with Joe, it was with everyone else in the crowd... Who all happen to be called "Joe". Cindy... I feel for poor Cindy...

HT: America Blog.

F__k the Poor

Right wing "humour" , via Moonbattery.com:


I can see it now...

"Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, and fuck them." - Statue of Liberty

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and fucking the poor." - Deceleration of Independence

"I can only say that there is not a man living who wishes more sincerely than I do to see a plan adopted for fucking the poor" - George Washington

"With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to fuck the poor" - Abraham Lincoln

And yeah, I "get it". "Welfare" breeds dependence. Which is why we're all having the bail out the millionaire bankers, right?

Jihlava Redux

My Czech adventure is over, for now. The Festival was great; Jihlava was amusingly sleepy; the filmmakers friendly; the audiences receptive; and the weather beautifully cold, crisp and clear. Pics and more blogging to follow, once I've caught up on my election news (;>).

For now, an extract of the worthy winner of the Opus Bonum section, Mauro Andrizzi's Iraqi Short Films...



Dám si jedno pivo prosím!

Jesus '08: Attack Ad

It's not all plain sailing for Jesus '08 this coming election...



HT Jesus General.

Monkey Jazz

Totally incredible.

Monkey Jazz, by Beardyman & mr_hopkinson™.


HT: Darryn :)

Prague Spring

Today Glasgow, tomorrow Jilhava.

In celebration, I present a short documentary about the Prague Spring of 1968.



Next, Barack Obama, speaking on the 40th anniversary of this momentous event.



Next, John McCain, twice referring to Czechoslovakia, a country which hasn't existed since 1993.



Finally, Sarah Palin give us her Foreign policy expertise. God help us all.



My next post on Prague will be more autumnal ;>

Godtube For McCain

GodTube viewers overwhelmingly favor John McCain. Film at 11.



Update 23 October

What a difference a day makes...



HT Scuba...

Theocracy '08

Apparently the most important issue facing America today is not the economy, foreign policy, the "war on terror" or any of that crap - it is the desperate and overwhelming need to impose a Christian Theocracy ASAP. Who knew?

First up, "Crazy Tracy" on PBS, who I presume is some sort of performance artist out to make Bible-believing Christians look more gut-wrenchingly vapid, vacuous and witless than we'd ever thought possible:



Next, this from ValueVotersUSA.com via the whackaloon The Moral Collapse Of America:



Finally, a gentle reminder that "liberals hate real Americans who work and accomplish and achieve and believe in God".



Jesus '08. Palin '12. We all know it makes sense.

Fog of War: Empathize

The 12th International Documentary Film Festival is getting close...

In tribute, a scene from one of the most amazing documentaries ever,
Fog Of War: Eleven Lessons from the Life of Robert S. McNamara (2003).

Lesson One: Empathize with your enemy.



Watch and learn.

All Glory to the Daily Show

The Daily Show. Best. Satirical. Television. Ever.

Everything you need to know about Wasilla...



Everything you need to know about Sarah Palin and "Grand Dragon Comrade Herr El Presidente Mullah" Barack Obama...

"...if not for Tina Fey, America would surely see Sarah Palin as a sharp, experienced, well-spoken, non-polarizing person.

So when the Obama administration forces your kids to read The Communist Manifesto in NAMBLA class at their Madrassa, remember to blame Tina Fey."

- Is There A Tina Fey Effect?, Indecision 2008

How many days is it now?

Jihlava is a Beautiful Town

"This is a trailer for brand new documentary video about the town of Jihlava. It was made because of the exhibition (28th March 2007) in Arts School in Jihlava. It should be your guide through Jihlava's history. We enjoyed the making of the video, so we hope, that you'll enjoy it too." - JUD©K3io

Obama Wins? Israel Bombs Iran

The aptly named Moonbattery.com tells its readers:

Don't eat that bottle of sleeping pills just yet. From November 1, 2004:

Rather than calming its far-right readers, tho, this simple reminder that the election ain't over til it's over brings out some wonderful commentary which surely deserves a wider audience.

First up, a eye-popping prediction. Set your watches for World War III:

"...if Obama wins, Israel will attack Iran before Bush leaves office. That will set up a firestorm response where Iran attack not only Israel in response, but the Saudi oil fields and Iraq in response. While Bush would likely not participate in an Israeli attack against Irans nuclear facilities using US planes they would probably give Israel air and satellite surveilance data to increase the chances of success of the mission - and maybe some bunker buster bombs once they realized they were going ahead any way despite Bush's objections. Last year Israel bombed Syria's unfinished nuclear facility, so I would seem likely that Israel would not count on delaying an attack until after Obama takes office. If McCain pulls out a suprise win, then they could afford to delay any attack for another year or so." - Posted by: Anonymous at October 13, 2008 6:36 AM

Meanwhile, "V the K" calls McCain

"a moderate leftist"

and Spurwing reminds us that polls aren't always to be trusted anyway, 'cause billionaire media owners are all communists (except Rupert)

"Can you realy ever trust any polls taken by CNN/TIME or any of the other liberal news agencies? especialy if its owned by RED TED TURNER and other soclaists scum"

Finally, totally-not-gay "menareawesome" gets over-excited and has to go to bed half an hour earlier than usual:

"Ok all you real men, please do not kill yourself, we will need you in the comming war against communism! Why shoot yourself when you can shoot at the enemy instead?

What is a good way to rehabilitate metrosexual sissies? WAR! No time for hair gel and ipods in the foxhole."

Totally. Not. Gay.

Crappy Sarah Palin Costume

They say a picture says a thousand words. Sometimes it's less than that.


ZOMGWTF!?

What a crappy Sarah Palin costume. I expect to see better this Halloween. (Although, come to think, it's not a bad stealth use of MILF).

Jihlava IDFF 2008

Random fluctuations in space-time are taking me to the 12th International Documentary Film Festival in Jihlava in Czechoslovakia (© John McCain) next weekend.

I'll try and post something festival-related every day.

First up, the 2008 "Jingle".



Gosh darn it, I do love a bit of European pretentiousness :)

I Will Bear The Guilt

I just booked a flight. I could have made my trip "carbon neutral" for an extra 4 euros (about $5 US).


If anyone on the plane wants to pay just two euros each, I'll take the emotional blackmail for them at half the price. I will bear the guilt.

Palin storms SNL

"Sarah Palin’s debut on SNL was disappointing. The satire was extremely one sided, mean spirited and humorless last night, and took the fun out of it. In spite of that and the fact that Lorne Michaels stacked the deck by surrounding Sarah Palin with some of Hollywood’s most hateful leftists, she, unlike the angry Tina Fey and company, proved that she is a class act. She hit yet another home run." - sinsing, comment at HotAir, 19 Oct



HuffPost's list of previous Fey sketches:
Tina Fey as Sarah Palin With Hillary Clinton
Tina Fey as Sarah Palin With Katie Couric
Tina Fey as Sarah Palin in the VP debate
Tina Fey talks about Sarah Palin's voice to David Letterman

Jesus '08

ZOMG. Talk about uncovering a rich seam of whackory!? This video is great. Jesus '08! Write it in... If Jesus General ain't heard this he oughta...



Edit: Make sure you stick around for the end where all the muslims and unbelievers are slain at Jesus's feet! Praise His name!

Vote Jebus

Apparently there's a third party candidate that "they" don't want you to know about. Because as we all know, no Christian could ever be elected president of the United States.



You know, I'm not at all sure that this guy is truly an official spokesperson for Jesus Christ. Gosh darn it, isn't cynicism a terrible thing?

Mostly Unique

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 1 or fewer people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Palin '12

Send... More... Palin '12... Stuff...

Crazy McCain Lady

SNL's debate special did a fun turn on Crazy McCain Lady, aka 75 year old Gayle Quinell. She says she got her information about Obama being an "arab" (and a "terrorist") from a fellow volunteer at a McCain Campaign office. Nice.

Meanwhile, Sarah Palin is lined up to appear live on SNL this weekend. Given that her handlers won't let her watch TV by herself in case she gets depressed, that seems like a terrible move.

Over at pro-McCain Hot Air, commenters are divided on the idea. Outlander veers off into the eighth dimension of whackory:

"Assuming SNL doesn’t stick the knife in Palin again, this could be a good opportunity for her. Palin’s job now is to rebuild her reputation so she can run against Obama in 2012. Poking fun at Fey’s impersonation is a good way of lightening its negative effect on her reputation. So, if she’s able to do THAT, then it’s worth it. If her appearance will only serve to reinforce the negative stereotype, she should avoid the appearnace.

Along those same lines, when will Palin stop coordinating with McCain and completely run out on her own? Hit Obama with Wright and Ayers and being a crazy socialist… Go on Rush and Fox News and talk radio… Express a vision for the country and a serious political philosophy… This is all about her now."

JustTruth101 disagrees:

"Live on the air the SNL crew... will do the skit from the version that the real Sarah never saw... and it will skewer her. There might even be a joke about the difference between her brain and her womb, but the setup in the REAL Sarah’s skit will be nothing even remotely like that, but her answer will be something that makes all special needs children look bad, or will make her look crass and uncaring... This is a TERRIBLE idea... I can’t believe she’s going to do this. If they could get away with it, they would shower her with pig blood like Carrie."

Pigs blood!? Quick - does anyone have NBC's phone number!?

Being stuck in Britland, I've never watched a full episode of SNL. I didn't even think I wanted to, 'til I read this from SaintOlaf in the same thread:

"SNL is definitely the most bigoted, Christian persecuting, television show on the air today... Pure liberal atheist garbage."

I'd buy that for a dollar...

I adore the cat

"I am looking for a real man!"

Tanechka27
27 year old woman from St.petersburg, Leningradskaya Oblast

Looking for man for relationship

I very nice girl. I cheerful also am full of energy the girl. I love people which like to joke. I adore the cat. At leisure I read books. Sex at me will be only with the future husband.

Interests: I love the work. I like to walk in the street with girlfriends. I like to dance, bathe and as many other things.

Obama: 2nd String Negra

Wow... The Dems must've had their work cut out for them planting actors to make these McCain/Palin supporters look like racist redneck hick morons. Go Sarah and your Holy Spirit!



Then there's Diane Fedele. Her newsletter with this image upset some sensitive souls. It's OK though - she says it wasn't meant to link Obama to food stamps or be racist. So that's all right then.



I love a good joke me, so I was tickled by this hilarious pic from the Sacramento County Republican Party. Look! "The only difference between Obama and Osama is BS... Waterboard Barack Obama." It's OK, see, 'cause they're Christians who love America. Unlike some presidential candidates I could mention, right!?



John McCain must be so proud it'd make your heart burst.

Palin: Doing It For Trig

Sarah Palin's job is to rally The Base. It's not her job to "think", or be "coherent", or even make sense.

Here's what she said to the Wall Street Journal:

“We shouldn’t worry about government not having enough money. Government’s got plenty of money,” she said. “It’s a matter of how government prioritizes the expenditures of those public dollars."

Way to go Sarah... Spoken like a true Conservative. No wonder those redski's Bill Buckley and Kathleen Parker want nothing to do with you... Go girl!

Then there's this, from a fluff piece about Baby Trig:

"Part of the reason that I'm doing this is for my own child, who has special needs"

Right. The exact thing her downs syndrome child needs and wants, like any six month old, is her mother to stand for Vice President of the United States, whoring him for votes.

Who doesn't go goo-goo over a baby? I know I do. Don't you!?

But wait... Why all this positive coverage of Sarah all of a sudden? Over at Hot Air, commenter Sapwolf wonders if it isn't part of some dastardly plot:

"First the Batman clip, and now this one... Could AP be diverting our attention from polls showing McCain catching up?... Hmmmmm?"

Much more of this paranoia, and these idiots will eat each other out of existence...

Red State Rampage

With 19 days to go, it's far too early to call the election. Unless of course you're noted communist and muslim-terrorist-sympathiser Brad Smith of, erm, Red State...

"So Barack Obama is the next president of the United States, and the Democrats will gain seats in the House and the Senate. At this point, it is imperative that the Republicans maintain a filibuster-capable Senate minority. The Democrats now have about a one in three chance of picking up the 60 or more Senate seats they would need to prevent filibusters."

Unsurprisingly, this doesn't go down at all well with The Base. Commenter c17wife glowers:

"This obviously isn't the place for me if they are going to allow defeatists on the front page 19 days before the election...

...I have commited to spending an hour in prayer each day for this election. I suggest others do the same. We had divine intervention in 2000, we can have it again"

Wennejunk prays along:

"So many see prayer as an act of desperation and for most, perhaps, it is an infrequent desperate act.

I see it as the single most important act that believers can do to impact events and have been meaning to put up a commentary on prayer and the election."

Divine intervention? The single most important act believers can do to impact events? Wow.

Another player, Janis, manages to turn this into a threat:

"up daily that God would raise up the right leader to protect and guard America from destruction both from without and especially from within.

Didn't think I would also have to ask Him for help in guarding us from our own supposed "supporters." Will add them to the list."

Brad Smith, former hero of the right-wing blogosphere, added to "the list". Who'da thunk it?

In summary, gentle readers, if John McCain makes an unprecedented comeback and wins this election, it wont be down to millions of robocalls claiming that Obama is a terrorist (which McCain wouldn't say at the debates); it won't be down to hundreds of thousands of voters being disenfranchised by RNC court actions; it won't be down to fear, ignorance, racism and lies; hell, it won't even be down to McCain getting his act together and persuading voters he's the better candidate... It'll be down to God.

And if McCain loses... Well, I'm guessing that'll be God's fault too. One wonders what God thinks of the millions of Christians who will vote for Obama. He must really hate them, right Janis?

Hmmm... It's not looking good so far.



Just why does God hate America?

And when did "Red State" become synonymous with "Completely Stupid"?

Monkey Sticker Guy

I showed a picture of this chap in a previous post about The Despicable Race Card... But he deserves a second outing. Marvel as he responds to shouts of "racist" by holding the monkey up higher for everyone to see.



How dare anyone say race is an issue in this election? That's just outrageous. Yes siree, people are happy to ignore Sarah Palin or John McCain's dodgy contacts but fear the worst about Obama because... Because they just are. Race has nothing to do with it.

OK, so it seems most voters are being put off by all this negative campaigning... But when the only defense to mindless idiocy is that because the other guy is so far ahead in the polls it won't affect the likely result... Then I for one think that's a pretty sad state of affairs.

Finally, a clarion call. Who is monkey sticker guy? Can we find him and put him on TV? Someone must know him, surely?




UPDATE: One Little Victory has this:

"According to an anonymous poster, “Monkey Boy ” is named Stanley, and Stanley has a history of racist behavior. He retired to Pennsylvania from Baltimore and works for Cambria County, as a civil servant. The poster has indicated that he is reporting Stanley to the Pennsylvania Civil Service Commission, as Stanley’s actions may be in conflict with the Civil Service Commission Code of Conduct."