Obama May Use Koran

Conservapedia, the world centre for conservative stupidity, tells us:

"President-elect Obama will likely become the first Muslim President, and may use the Koran to be sworn into office at his inauguration on January 20, 2009."

Here's a list of other books that President Obama "may" use to swear-in:

• The Communist Manifesto
  
• The Collected Works of John Stuart Mill*
  
• The Very Hungry Caterpillar
  
• Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
  
• One Dad, Two Dads, Brown Dad, Blue Dads
  
• A Hand In The Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting
  
• The Conservative Soul: How We Lost It, How to Get It Back

What other books "may" President-elect Obama use? Please let me know...



* "Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people,
it is true that most stupid people are conservative." - JSM

Why are Muslims backwards in science?

Today, today, the Muslims are getting backward in science. You know why? The Europeans are being advanced. You know why? The Muslims are becoming backwards because the are going away from the Holy Qur'an. They are going away from their religion.

[applause]

And do you know why the Europeans are getting advanced? They too are going away from their religion. The Europeans [applause] are also getting advanced [inaudible] they are going away from their religion. The Muslims, they are going backwards because they are going away from religion.

I would request, the Muslims [inaudible], as were non-Muslims. They are people in the Qur'an. Why don't we read the Qur'an, with understanding? Why don't we point out the verses? We have only kept the Qur'an kissing and keeping on top that's all. The Qur'an was not meant to just be kissed and kept on top. It should be implemented in your daily life.

[applause]

If you implement the Qur'an in your daily life, read it with understanding, insha'allah again we shall be on top of the world. I hope that answers your question.

- Zakir Naik

Black Wednesday

And so, after twenty-one months of smears, bickering, and beamed-in-your-dreams media coverage, it's all over. Comrade Mullah Che Generalissimo Herr OberNAMBLAenfuhrer Barack "Hussein" Obama Bin Laden has been elected as the 44th president-designate of the United Socialist States of America.

Fuckin' A.

(Image found at Moonbattery.com).

Not everyone has been as gracious in defeat as John McCain.

NewsBusters got all grumpy when an African-American reporter on ABC teared up over there being a black President in the White House in his lifetime. How fucking dare he.



Newsbuster commenter attorneygirl just ain't quite feeling the love:

It's about race.

It's always been about race.

Now we'll all be in slavery--to a dictatorship.

I cannot now say God Bless America. Not with a Marxist as President. Not with idiots, morons, and sycophants praying to their savior Obama. He is a racist. He has pitted classes against each other.

I will now raise my rates, stop giving to charity, and will not tip any longer. I will fire employees, stop paying benefits, and stop giving my household help Christmas bonuses.

Let the government do it for me.

Bah Humbug.

I'm pulling in and becoming scrooge because the government will be taking my money. Assholes. Now everyone will see what Obama-economics really is.

And I worked my ass off to start my own business. I ate tuna (still do) and still drive an old car so that I can save money for my old age.

Screw that, right?

I will never, ever support a Democrat, a liberal, or this pseudo-president Marxist Obama.

Never.

We have experienced a coup today. And Communism won.

I will now become more self-centered than ever before.

Good on you, attorneygirl, you are a tribute to everything which lost the election for the Republicans.

I salute you. Enjoy your time at the Socialist Re-education Camp. Palin-Oh-Twelve!

Pernicious Cults

Those pernicious cults over at Moonbattery give us this:-

"It's a remarkable coincidence that the Obamunism logo closely resembles that of the Weather Underground Organization terrorist cult, when you consider that the Weather Underground was led by Bill Ayers, who developed Obama as a protégé, blah blah blah blah blah blah..."

Closely resembles? WTF? Memo to Moonbattery: The logos look nothing like each other.

Obama Wins? Israel Bombs Iran

The aptly named Moonbattery.com tells its readers:

Don't eat that bottle of sleeping pills just yet. From November 1, 2004:

Rather than calming its far-right readers, tho, this simple reminder that the election ain't over til it's over brings out some wonderful commentary which surely deserves a wider audience.

First up, a eye-popping prediction. Set your watches for World War III:

"...if Obama wins, Israel will attack Iran before Bush leaves office. That will set up a firestorm response where Iran attack not only Israel in response, but the Saudi oil fields and Iraq in response. While Bush would likely not participate in an Israeli attack against Irans nuclear facilities using US planes they would probably give Israel air and satellite surveilance data to increase the chances of success of the mission - and maybe some bunker buster bombs once they realized they were going ahead any way despite Bush's objections. Last year Israel bombed Syria's unfinished nuclear facility, so I would seem likely that Israel would not count on delaying an attack until after Obama takes office. If McCain pulls out a suprise win, then they could afford to delay any attack for another year or so." - Posted by: Anonymous at October 13, 2008 6:36 AM

Meanwhile, "V the K" calls McCain

"a moderate leftist"

and Spurwing reminds us that polls aren't always to be trusted anyway, 'cause billionaire media owners are all communists (except Rupert)

"Can you realy ever trust any polls taken by CNN/TIME or any of the other liberal news agencies? especialy if its owned by RED TED TURNER and other soclaists scum"

Finally, totally-not-gay "menareawesome" gets over-excited and has to go to bed half an hour earlier than usual:

"Ok all you real men, please do not kill yourself, we will need you in the comming war against communism! Why shoot yourself when you can shoot at the enemy instead?

What is a good way to rehabilitate metrosexual sissies? WAR! No time for hair gel and ipods in the foxhole."

Totally. Not. Gay.

Jesus '08

ZOMG. Talk about uncovering a rich seam of whackory!? This video is great. Jesus '08! Write it in... If Jesus General ain't heard this he oughta...



Edit: Make sure you stick around for the end where all the muslims and unbelievers are slain at Jesus's feet! Praise His name!

Vote Jebus

Apparently there's a third party candidate that "they" don't want you to know about. Because as we all know, no Christian could ever be elected president of the United States.



You know, I'm not at all sure that this guy is truly an official spokesperson for Jesus Christ. Gosh darn it, isn't cynicism a terrible thing?

Obama: 2nd String Negra

Wow... The Dems must've had their work cut out for them planting actors to make these McCain/Palin supporters look like racist redneck hick morons. Go Sarah and your Holy Spirit!



Then there's Diane Fedele. Her newsletter with this image upset some sensitive souls. It's OK though - she says it wasn't meant to link Obama to food stamps or be racist. So that's all right then.



I love a good joke me, so I was tickled by this hilarious pic from the Sacramento County Republican Party. Look! "The only difference between Obama and Osama is BS... Waterboard Barack Obama." It's OK, see, 'cause they're Christians who love America. Unlike some presidential candidates I could mention, right!?



John McCain must be so proud it'd make your heart burst.

Red State Rampage

With 19 days to go, it's far too early to call the election. Unless of course you're noted communist and muslim-terrorist-sympathiser Brad Smith of, erm, Red State...

"So Barack Obama is the next president of the United States, and the Democrats will gain seats in the House and the Senate. At this point, it is imperative that the Republicans maintain a filibuster-capable Senate minority. The Democrats now have about a one in three chance of picking up the 60 or more Senate seats they would need to prevent filibusters."

Unsurprisingly, this doesn't go down at all well with The Base. Commenter c17wife glowers:

"This obviously isn't the place for me if they are going to allow defeatists on the front page 19 days before the election...

...I have commited to spending an hour in prayer each day for this election. I suggest others do the same. We had divine intervention in 2000, we can have it again"

Wennejunk prays along:

"So many see prayer as an act of desperation and for most, perhaps, it is an infrequent desperate act.

I see it as the single most important act that believers can do to impact events and have been meaning to put up a commentary on prayer and the election."

Divine intervention? The single most important act believers can do to impact events? Wow.

Another player, Janis, manages to turn this into a threat:

"up daily that God would raise up the right leader to protect and guard America from destruction both from without and especially from within.

Didn't think I would also have to ask Him for help in guarding us from our own supposed "supporters." Will add them to the list."

Brad Smith, former hero of the right-wing blogosphere, added to "the list". Who'da thunk it?

In summary, gentle readers, if John McCain makes an unprecedented comeback and wins this election, it wont be down to millions of robocalls claiming that Obama is a terrorist (which McCain wouldn't say at the debates); it won't be down to hundreds of thousands of voters being disenfranchised by RNC court actions; it won't be down to fear, ignorance, racism and lies; hell, it won't even be down to McCain getting his act together and persuading voters he's the better candidate... It'll be down to God.

And if McCain loses... Well, I'm guessing that'll be God's fault too. One wonders what God thinks of the millions of Christians who will vote for Obama. He must really hate them, right Janis?

Hmmm... It's not looking good so far.



Just why does God hate America?

And when did "Red State" become synonymous with "Completely Stupid"?

Third Debate Recap

Today I'm going to blog about godlessness vs. atheism; belorussian independent cinema; feminist irony in the twenty-first century; and the new Glasvegas album: dark music for dark times?

Nah, only kidding. Did you know there's an election!?

Let's start with the Third Debate of the Presidential Campaign. Watch here as McCain "cleaned Obama's clock" (™ Bride of Rove):



Despite McCain's masterful performance, all the networks said Obama won. Even Fox News. Hell, if even they are in the tank for "That One", the GOP must be worried...

There is good news, tho. The Secret Service says no-one shouted "Kill Him" at that Palin rally. The journo who said he heard it got it wrong (or, if you're from Texas Hill Country, deliberately lied). So now McCain only has to be proud of those supporters who boo him for calling Obama a "decent man"; and those who think the likely next president of the USA is a socialist-arab-muslim-terrorist, morally equivalent to Obama Bin Laden.


Meanwhile, Howard Stern is shocked to learn that some black folks will vote for Obama even if they're lied to and told Obama (like McCain) is anti-abortion and wants to stay the course in Iraq.



Imagine how shocked he'll be when he learns that some white folks are gong to vote for Obama anyway, even after they're told he's a socialist who hangs around with terrorists.

Indeed, with negative campaigning seemingly hurting McCain more than helping him, at least one Republican outfit has apparently written off the zillions they'd previously spent on ads trying to link Obama to Ayers, and are now presumably going to tell voters to tick McCain and win a pony.

Talking of fairy tales, Sarah Palin keeps insisting she's been cleared of wrongdoing in Troopergate. Is she shockingly dishonest or just functionally illiterate? Decide yourself on 4 November.

Meanwhile, here's the latest from Paranoiaville, USA:

• "socialists/communists have discovered the only thing between them and complete world domination is Fox News"
  
  
• Rush Limbaugh tells white folks: lock up your daughters
  
  
  
  
• LGF readers overwhelming say McCain won the debate
  
  
  Who could argue with LGF'er kynna who authoritatively states:

  "I actually would trust this poll over most. Lizards are pretty honest and they can be very harsh critics, as well. They won't vote for McCain just because they'd rather see him win the election."

"What a terrible thing it is to lose one's mind", as I think Sarah Palin once said.

God to Blame If McCain Loses

This is beyond parody. Apparently it'll be God's fault if McCain loses.



“I would also add Lord that your reputation is involved in all that happens between now and November, because there are millions of people around this world praying to their god — whether it’s Hindu, Buddha, Allah — that his opponent wins, for a variety of reasons. And Lord, I pray that you would guard your own reputation, because they’re going to think that their God is bigger than you, if that happens. So I pray that you would step forward and honor your own name in all than happens between now and election day.” - Arnold Conrad, the former pastor of Grace Evangelical Free Church in Davenport

David Kurtz from Talking Points Memo puts it very nicely:

"It conjures up bad Japanese movies, or the fanciful musings of 10-year-old boys. Who would win between King Kong and Godzilla? Between Allah and Vishnu? Does the Christian god have an unfair advantage because he's three in one? His "theological" take also suggests some influences from Greek mythology, but instead of angry gods hurling lightning bolts at one another, they're trying to throw an election one way or the other, which is almost post-modern in its own way."

Meanwhile, this guy might as well be holding up a sign saying "I am a complete idiot". (HT BrettMarty.com).


I'm not scared of these people... But if McCain wins, jesus h. christ on a bike, it will be a monumental victory for stupidity, ignorance, fear and fuckwittery.

Paranoid Whackjob Of The Day

"To be blunt, one of the rumors that I have heard was that OBurkha will not release his medical records because they would show that he is HIV-positive.

Far-fetched? Probably, but since he dodges the question and will not release them, it can only make you wonder."

# NosferatusCoffin, comment at StopTheACLU.com, 12-Oct-08


NosferatusCoffin is either a paranoid whackjob, or a lying c__t. (Image HT 236.com)

Bill O'Reilly: Proof God Is An Idiot

Bill O'Reilly cites himself as proof there is a God:

"Next time you meet an atheist, tell him or her that you know a bold, fresh guy, a barbarian who was raised in a working-class home and retains the lessons he learned there.

"Then mention to that atheist that this guy is now watched and listened to, on a daily basis, by millions of people all over the world and, to boot, sells millions of books.

"Then, while the non-believer is digesting all that, ask him or her if they still don't believe there's a God!"

What. An. Idiot.

Paranoid Whackjob Of The Day

"I don't believe anything the mass media says and I don't believe O'Reilly either. The only sane voice left is Hannity. I would never vote for Obama on any ticket. He is a monster and a liar. Everytime he opens his mouth he lies again. Gov. Palin has been slimed more than any candidate running for VP, why, because she is a woman. It is despicable the way she has been treated. The trolls are out in full force. I say get your priorities straight, vote American, vote McCain/Palin. Country before party. The democratic party is dead, a stinking corpse."
- JP49, comment at LiberalRapture.com


HT Zionistwatch for the great pic.

Jesus Still Loves Sarah Palin

You know things are bad for Sarah Palin when even the foaming right-wingers at the NRO say she should step aside for "family reasons". (Before, they were calling for Palin to debate Obama directly).

There is, however, one group who still think Miss Palin is a shoo-in; for who her lack of knowledge or even interest on foreign policy is irrelevant; for whom her bizarre demon-banishing church past-life seems perfectly normal. That is the irrational right; the evangelical fundy-mental-ists; the idiot wing of the most Christian nation on Earth... And nowhere are these people found in a greater concentration than over at Rapture Ready.

These comments are all from one recent thread (my emphasis):

"Satan has armed his armies with very real hatred against Palin. We simply must hold her up in prayer. Whether or not God intends to allow McCain/Palin to win this election is beside the point. I pray that He will raise up the righteous and bring down the wicked. Who the wicked and righteous are ~ only He knows that." - Gabby

"I've been just in awe how this election is going. There's Obama that is a very shady person, nobody really knows his background (and the media doesn't dig into it!), there so much against him..even to the point of calling him an antichrist (or fake messiah). Then we get Sarah Palin, that loves God, loves life, and had to have been put in the place she's at by God. So we have that Good against Evil scenario going on and it's just wild to watch!" - caroljo

"Might as well just split the country between them. Conservatives on the east half, and liberals on the west half. Each is responsbile for their own govt, lawmakers, military, value system, morals, schooling, etc... That is the best solution I can think of, outside of looking at an all-out war between the liberals and conservatives." - HisAlways

"It is so CLEAR to any believer that Palin is under serious spiritual attack. She, as a bible-believing Christian, is a HUGE threat to satan. I'd say that all the horrific attacks against her are simply a confirmation that she is a powerful ambassador for Christ. Lifting her up in prayer." - SetApart

"Hey, if she is posting here....GO SARAH!!!!!! We need more people like you in government!" - swimclb

Roll on Palin's debate with Biden. That should be car-crash TV at its best...

More on Sarah Palin!

Jack Van Impe on Sarah Palin, World War III

Jack Van Impe briefly mentions Sarah Palin in this extract from his latest programme, discussing the Rapture and World War III.



The highlights:

• Jack Van Impe is from the same spiritual family as the Assemblies of God, Sarah Palin's church until the age of 38
  
• The world is not going to "End". Jesus will return to rule over this Earth.
  
• The Rapture is imminent. The "faithful" will be eaten by Cthulhutaken by Jesus in the twinkling of an eye. The rest of us will be left behind
  
• After the rapture, the European Union will broker peace in the Middle East
  
• Russia will end the peace, bringing nuclear war
  
• Russia's armies will be decimated
  
• An army of two billion Chinese will join the conflict
  
• Seven years after the Rapture, Jesus will return to end the War and bring peace in a thousand year reign (so, presumably, we needn't worry about the environment 'cause God will fix it)
  
  

Watch in awe as Jack grins over the deaths of hundreds of millions of people and, presumably, the smoking remains of Israel.

Sarah Palin apparently has "deep religious convictions". She's been described as a Young Earth Creationist who is adamant that Jesus will return in her lifetime. So does she, like Jack Van Impe, think that World War III is just around the corner? It would be nice to know, one way or the other.

More on Sarah Palin
More Jack & Rexella Van Impe
Rexella explains the Cthulhu Rapture

Chick Tracts go all webby

HT to Chickengirl, for the news that Jack Chick's infamous loony-tune paper booklets are now available in flash form. Ain't it grand when the eighteenth and twenty-first centuries meet? Roll on the parodies, that's what I say...

Sarah Palin: Dinosaur Rapture

Over at Rapture Ready, everybody's favorite forum for insane fundamentalist "does-my-hair-look-good-for-jesus" drooling, the rubes are getting restless about Sarah Palin.

Ketsialove gushes over this eye-popping stuff from Salon like it's a good thing (my emphasis):

"[He] says that Palin also helped push the evangelical drive to take over the Mat-Su Borough school board. “She wanted to get people who believed in creationism on the board,” said Munger, a music composer and teacher. “I bumped into her once after my band played at a graduation ceremony at the Assembly of God. I said, ‘Sarah, how can you believe in creationism — your father’s a science teacher.’ And she said, ‘We don’t have to agree on everything.’

“I pushed her on the earth’s creation, whether it was really less than 7,000 years old and whether dinosaurs and humans walked the earth at the same time. And she said yes, she’d seen images somewhere of dinosaur fossils with human footprints in them.”

Munger also asked Palin if she truly believed in the End of Days, the doomsday scenario when the Messiah will return. “She looked in my eyes and said, ‘Yes, I think I will see Jesus come back to earth in my lifetime.’”

This leads to an outpouring of stupidity so rich and fruity that, well, what can I say? Don't drink and read these comments at the same time. You may splarff if you do:

"Not only afraid but hate her. Just as a lot of liberals hate GWB because of his Christian beliefs. There has been a few celebrities have come out and said they hate Sarah Palin. Pamela Anderson, Cindy Lohan come to mind. Why? What other reason could it be other than because she is pro-life and loves Jesus." - stevenw56

"What do you think the reaction would be if Sarah Palin and Joe Biden were debating on national primetime tv, and she suddenly disappeared with the rapture." - Thelion777

"like anything (her hairstyle, sex, the fact she has not had an abortion, choice of eye glasses), this will be used against her..." - icebear

"Sarah may not get to be VP after all even though I would have voted for her if I was Here." - I'mready

"You just have to love her. She doesn't care what anyone thinks, and tells it like it is. " - nanC

"Science and the Bible are in perfect alignment... What the arrogant fools who believe in evolution don't understand is that it simply is wrong because there's no evidence for it... Evolution is wrong not because of Religion or Christianity or the Bible. Evolution is wrong because there's simply no evidence that we evolved from lower species... Lack of evidence doesn't make a wacko theory a fact." - Norrin Radd

But whackoness aside, does Sarah palin actually believe in the rapture? I still think not. I still think, like the neocon movement generally, politicians see religion as a handy lever for easy electability and simple social control. But still, it's hard not to judge her for the company she keeps... And not everyone is as cynical as me about actual belief.

Sam Harris, writing in Newsweek put it thusly:

"Palin's spiritual colleagues describe themselves as part of "the final generation," engaged in "spiritual warfare" to purge the earth of "demonic strongholds." Palin has spent her entire adult life immersed in this apocalyptic hysteria. Ask yourself: Is it a good idea to place the most powerful military on earth at her disposal? Do we actually want our leaders thinking about the fulfillment of Biblical prophecy when it comes time to say to the Iranians, or to the North Koreans, or to the Pakistanis, or to the Russians or to the Chinese: "All options remain on the table"?"

Meanwhile, for the rational religious, Andrew Sullivan weighs in:

"[The End Times]. Yes, she believes in them. Of course she believes in them. Her former pastor believes that Alaska will be the refuge for the faithful in the lower 48 states when the Rapture comes. She is a Biblical literalist who denies evolution - who has to deny evolution - to remain in her church. She believes - because she has to believe - that the earth was created 6,000 years ago."

Does Sarah Palin believe this? Does she believe that rape victims should be denied abortions? Does she believe Iraq was behind 9-11? I guess we'll find out soon enough. Roll on the debates...



MORE ON SARAH PALIN.

Deadly Iceberg of Romanism

HT to SteveF at Tweb for bringing us this gem from Rapture Ready.

Baby Preacher Abomination

GodTube's Surprise... GodTube - Find Your Purpose...

No, it’s not Christmas and it’s probably not your birthday either, but
that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a special surprise! ...

We hope you enjoyed your surprise. Now share the fun by passing it on to friends and family!



From the comments to this video at Godtube:

"This gave me chills of the very best kind... it made me truely, and strongly feel the spirit. This little one is a blessing, but we should really pay close attention. Although we may not totally understand what he is trying to say....I'm sure you would agree that the Lord is using this precious little one to reach out to us, and I feel his message is one we already know or should know. It is coming from this baby with urgency. God bless this child and his parents. Mom and dad, don't let anyone discourage you or this child in your walk with Jesus. Your child will and already doing a huge work for the Lord. This video will do for those, each indivual what the Lord chooses, it will speak to each one, whatever it is the Lord wants to say to that person. Thank you and may God continue to bless and use you." - danaswife

"Anyone who says ANYTHING negative about this specific instance makes me sick! Who EVER claimed that these people believed that this baby believes? no-one and of course they don't. What they are so excited about is that a toddler is preaching on stage. he doesn't know better, but even at this age, he is choosing to Preach the word of God!!! this should make anyone who calls themselves a believer happy and filled with the joy of the Lord! Stop making things into something they arent. all this is, is a cute video of an infant acting like his pastor. but for all of you Pharisees out there, i ask you, would you rather this child act like someone who is mimicking God? or take after his peers, his friends or anyone else in the world for that matter? Think about it..." - preacher258

"Sorry, but I think this is in very bad taste. Jesus would never yell at us and to teach this child this is aweful. Clearly they are more interested in a show instead of a feeding of the God's Spirit." - onnasue