Happy Goodmans - Jesus Is Coming Soon (May 21 tribute)

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Jesus Still Loves Sarah Palin

You know things are bad for Sarah Palin when even the foaming right-wingers at the NRO say she should step aside for "family reasons". (Before, they were calling for Palin to debate Obama directly).

There is, however, one group who still think Miss Palin is a shoo-in; for who her lack of knowledge or even interest on foreign policy is irrelevant; for whom her bizarre demon-banishing church past-life seems perfectly normal. That is the irrational right; the evangelical fundy-mental-ists; the idiot wing of the most Christian nation on Earth... And nowhere are these people found in a greater concentration than over at Rapture Ready.

These comments are all from one recent thread (my emphasis):

"Satan has armed his armies with very real hatred against Palin. We simply must hold her up in prayer. Whether or not God intends to allow McCain/Palin to win this election is beside the point. I pray that He will raise up the righteous and bring down the wicked. Who the wicked and righteous are ~ only He knows that." - Gabby

"I've been just in awe how this election is going. There's Obama that is a very shady person, nobody really knows his background (and the media doesn't dig into it!), there so much against him..even to the point of calling him an antichrist (or fake messiah). Then we get Sarah Palin, that loves God, loves life, and had to have been put in the place she's at by God. So we have that Good against Evil scenario going on and it's just wild to watch!" - caroljo

"Might as well just split the country between them. Conservatives on the east half, and liberals on the west half. Each is responsbile for their own govt, lawmakers, military, value system, morals, schooling, etc... That is the best solution I can think of, outside of looking at an all-out war between the liberals and conservatives." - HisAlways

"It is so CLEAR to any believer that Palin is under serious spiritual attack. She, as a bible-believing Christian, is a HUGE threat to satan. I'd say that all the horrific attacks against her are simply a confirmation that she is a powerful ambassador for Christ. Lifting her up in prayer." - SetApart

"Hey, if she is posting here....GO SARAH!!!!!! We need more people like you in government!" - swimclb

Roll on Palin's debate with Biden. That should be car-crash TV at its best...

More on Sarah Palin!

Jack Van Impe on Sarah Palin, World War III

Jack Van Impe briefly mentions Sarah Palin in this extract from his latest programme, discussing the Rapture and World War III.



The highlights:

• Jack Van Impe is from the same spiritual family as the Assemblies of God, Sarah Palin's church until the age of 38
  
• The world is not going to "End". Jesus will return to rule over this Earth.
  
• The Rapture is imminent. The "faithful" will be eaten by Cthulhutaken by Jesus in the twinkling of an eye. The rest of us will be left behind
  
• After the rapture, the European Union will broker peace in the Middle East
  
• Russia will end the peace, bringing nuclear war
  
• Russia's armies will be decimated
  
• An army of two billion Chinese will join the conflict
  
• Seven years after the Rapture, Jesus will return to end the War and bring peace in a thousand year reign (so, presumably, we needn't worry about the environment 'cause God will fix it)
  
  

Watch in awe as Jack grins over the deaths of hundreds of millions of people and, presumably, the smoking remains of Israel.

Sarah Palin apparently has "deep religious convictions". She's been described as a Young Earth Creationist who is adamant that Jesus will return in her lifetime. So does she, like Jack Van Impe, think that World War III is just around the corner? It would be nice to know, one way or the other.

More on Sarah Palin
More Jack & Rexella Van Impe
Rexella explains the Cthulhu Rapture

Sarah Palin: Dinosaur Rider

It must be great being Sarah Palin. When you're not riding dinosaurs or waiting for Jesus, you're almost a heartbeat away from being supreme ruler of the known universe. That, and you get the world's softest interview from Sean Hannity.

Still, she managed to mess that up. Even when fed the simplest leading questions in the safest environment, Ms Palin looked wooden and unprepared. Fortunately, this does not affect her biggest assets: she is white, pro-life and likes guns.

John Stewart has more:



Scary biscuits, or the best thing since sliced bread? You decide.

Sarah Palin: Dinosaur Rapture

Over at Rapture Ready, everybody's favorite forum for insane fundamentalist "does-my-hair-look-good-for-jesus" drooling, the rubes are getting restless about Sarah Palin.

Ketsialove gushes over this eye-popping stuff from Salon like it's a good thing (my emphasis):

"[He] says that Palin also helped push the evangelical drive to take over the Mat-Su Borough school board. “She wanted to get people who believed in creationism on the board,” said Munger, a music composer and teacher. “I bumped into her once after my band played at a graduation ceremony at the Assembly of God. I said, ‘Sarah, how can you believe in creationism — your father’s a science teacher.’ And she said, ‘We don’t have to agree on everything.’

“I pushed her on the earth’s creation, whether it was really less than 7,000 years old and whether dinosaurs and humans walked the earth at the same time. And she said yes, she’d seen images somewhere of dinosaur fossils with human footprints in them.”

Munger also asked Palin if she truly believed in the End of Days, the doomsday scenario when the Messiah will return. “She looked in my eyes and said, ‘Yes, I think I will see Jesus come back to earth in my lifetime.’”

This leads to an outpouring of stupidity so rich and fruity that, well, what can I say? Don't drink and read these comments at the same time. You may splarff if you do:

"Not only afraid but hate her. Just as a lot of liberals hate GWB because of his Christian beliefs. There has been a few celebrities have come out and said they hate Sarah Palin. Pamela Anderson, Cindy Lohan come to mind. Why? What other reason could it be other than because she is pro-life and loves Jesus." - stevenw56

"What do you think the reaction would be if Sarah Palin and Joe Biden were debating on national primetime tv, and she suddenly disappeared with the rapture." - Thelion777

"like anything (her hairstyle, sex, the fact she has not had an abortion, choice of eye glasses), this will be used against her..." - icebear

"Sarah may not get to be VP after all even though I would have voted for her if I was Here." - I'mready

"You just have to love her. She doesn't care what anyone thinks, and tells it like it is. " - nanC

"Science and the Bible are in perfect alignment... What the arrogant fools who believe in evolution don't understand is that it simply is wrong because there's no evidence for it... Evolution is wrong not because of Religion or Christianity or the Bible. Evolution is wrong because there's simply no evidence that we evolved from lower species... Lack of evidence doesn't make a wacko theory a fact." - Norrin Radd

But whackoness aside, does Sarah palin actually believe in the rapture? I still think not. I still think, like the neocon movement generally, politicians see religion as a handy lever for easy electability and simple social control. But still, it's hard not to judge her for the company she keeps... And not everyone is as cynical as me about actual belief.

Sam Harris, writing in Newsweek put it thusly:

"Palin's spiritual colleagues describe themselves as part of "the final generation," engaged in "spiritual warfare" to purge the earth of "demonic strongholds." Palin has spent her entire adult life immersed in this apocalyptic hysteria. Ask yourself: Is it a good idea to place the most powerful military on earth at her disposal? Do we actually want our leaders thinking about the fulfillment of Biblical prophecy when it comes time to say to the Iranians, or to the North Koreans, or to the Pakistanis, or to the Russians or to the Chinese: "All options remain on the table"?"

Meanwhile, for the rational religious, Andrew Sullivan weighs in:

"[The End Times]. Yes, she believes in them. Of course she believes in them. Her former pastor believes that Alaska will be the refuge for the faithful in the lower 48 states when the Rapture comes. She is a Biblical literalist who denies evolution - who has to deny evolution - to remain in her church. She believes - because she has to believe - that the earth was created 6,000 years ago."

Does Sarah Palin believe this? Does she believe that rape victims should be denied abortions? Does she believe Iraq was behind 9-11? I guess we'll find out soon enough. Roll on the debates...



MORE ON SARAH PALIN.

Is Sarah Palin Cthulhu in disguise!?

Does anyone really care whether Sarah Palin believes in the rapture?

There are more important questions, surely.

Such as: Is Sarah Palin the great Old One Cthulhu in disguise?

You be the judge:



We have the right to know.

I demand that Sean Hannity asks Governor Palin to answer this vital question in his next interview.

Deadly Iceberg of Romanism

HT to SteveF at Tweb for bringing us this gem from Rapture Ready.

Sarah Palin *is* Rapture Ready

In previous posts, I've opined that Sarah Palin wasn't crazy... That her choice of church and her rapist-friendly stance on abortion were likely just political posturing. Only pathetic low-lifes with boring jobs actually believe in the rapture, I said.

It looks like I was wrong.

Pharyngula has a must-read report on a litany of Alaskan insiders lining up to dish the dirt on God's own VP candidate, including some eye-popping stuff from Salon:

"...Palin [was asked] if she truly believed in the End of Days, the doomsday scenario when the Messiah will return. "She looked in my eyes and said, 'Yes, I think I will see Jesus come back to earth in my lifetime.'"

Jesus frikkin' Christ on a bike.

There's lots more there about Palin pushing creationism, pissing off her constituents, and generally being an asshole. But don't take my word for it. Read it yourself.

Meanwhile, En Tequila point out that the lies pouring from John McCain's campaign team have gotten so blatant that even Fox News are outraged.

Wow. It really must be the End of Days.

Christians watch out! Cthulhu is coming and will eat you. Rexella Van Impe has more...



And finally... I've had quite a few hits from people looking for "what Rexella thinks of Sarah Palin". Well, I've been wondering about that myself... But as Rexella (and Jack's!) ministry is a non-profit religious outfit, and therefore forbidden from discussing politics. If anything changes and Rexella does express an opinion, you can be sure I'll report it here. For now, though, I think we can safely assume that Rexella hearts Sarah Palin.... Just as I heart Rexella :)

Rexella explains the Cthulhu Rapture

Everyone loves Dr. Rexella Van Impe. Here she explains what Christians can do to prepare for the Cthulhu Rapture [New Updated Version!]...




Sarah Palin doesn't believe in "The Rapture". Her church doesn't preach it. Either does the church she went to before that, or the one before that. She's never spoken on the subject.

So why bring this up? Because this week I've had loads of visitors searching for "sarah palin rapture". It's clearly a question on peoples' minds.

As for "The Rapture" itself, if I can paraphrase Lisa Simpson, how come the people who actually do believe in it are always pathetic low-lifes with boring jobs?

"Oh, and you, dad..."

America Needs Sarah Palin!!!!

"AMERICA NEEDS SARAH PALIN!!!!"
- comment by Ralph


"GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN’S AND CINDY MCCAIN'S (RESCUING A LOST HINDU CHILD FROM SLAVES OF THE ROMAN POPE WHO HAS BEEN EXPOSED AS AN AGENT OF PIAPS!!!) ANNOINTED TESTIMONY HAS BROUGHT CONVICTION TO THOSE OF US WHO LOVE AMERICA!!!!!!!

SOUL-WINNING, MOUNTAIN-MOVING, DEVIL-KICKING, PIAPS-DEFEATING, AMERICA-STRENGTHENING, RAPTURE-READY REVIVAL ACROSS THE LAND!!!!!"

From Americaphile, Ralph's Website



"...before everyone gets all smug and self-righteous about the Palin selection, remember where you live. You live in a nation of gun owners and hunters. You live in a country where one out of three girls get pregnant before they are 20. You live in a nation of C students. Knocking Bush for being a C student only endeared him to the nation of C students. Knock Palin for having kids, for having a kid who's having a baby, for anything that is part of her normalness -- a normalness that looks very familiar to so many millions of Americans -- well, you do this at your own peril. Assuming she's still on the ticket two weeks from now, she will be a much tougher opponent than anyone expects. You live in a country that voted for Dan Quayle..."

- Random Thoughts from Michael Moore, 2 September 2008

(Pic credit: Something Awful)