Rexella Update: All is well

I'm delighted to report that Rexella Van Impe seems to have recovered from whatever "illness" affected her last week. Here she is with a message of love for us all:



"To the world you might be one person
But to one person you might be the world..."

That's beautiful, man.

In case you missed it, here's Rexella from last week looking rather the worse for wear...



We love you, Rexella!

Is Rexella loaded!?

I was scouring the latest (27 Sep) edition of Jack Van Impe Presents for news of The Rapture, Sarah Palin, Cthulhu and what have you, and what did I see?


Rexella looks rather the worse for wear. Is she loaded? She can't be drunk, surely? (Here's highlights. Watch for yourself). It must be some sort of virus. Yes, that's it!



We heart you Rexella! Get well soon!

Sarah Palin *is* Rapture Ready

In previous posts, I've opined that Sarah Palin wasn't crazy... That her choice of church and her rapist-friendly stance on abortion were likely just political posturing. Only pathetic low-lifes with boring jobs actually believe in the rapture, I said.

It looks like I was wrong.

Pharyngula has a must-read report on a litany of Alaskan insiders lining up to dish the dirt on God's own VP candidate, including some eye-popping stuff from Salon:

"...Palin [was asked] if she truly believed in the End of Days, the doomsday scenario when the Messiah will return. "She looked in my eyes and said, 'Yes, I think I will see Jesus come back to earth in my lifetime.'"

Jesus frikkin' Christ on a bike.

There's lots more there about Palin pushing creationism, pissing off her constituents, and generally being an asshole. But don't take my word for it. Read it yourself.

Meanwhile, En Tequila point out that the lies pouring from John McCain's campaign team have gotten so blatant that even Fox News are outraged.

Wow. It really must be the End of Days.

Christians watch out! Cthulhu is coming and will eat you. Rexella Van Impe has more...



And finally... I've had quite a few hits from people looking for "what Rexella thinks of Sarah Palin". Well, I've been wondering about that myself... But as Rexella (and Jack's!) ministry is a non-profit religious outfit, and therefore forbidden from discussing politics. If anything changes and Rexella does express an opinion, you can be sure I'll report it here. For now, though, I think we can safely assume that Rexella hearts Sarah Palin.... Just as I heart Rexella :)

Rexella explains the Cthulhu Rapture

Everyone loves Dr. Rexella Van Impe. Here she explains what Christians can do to prepare for the Cthulhu Rapture [New Updated Version!]...




Sarah Palin doesn't believe in "The Rapture". Her church doesn't preach it. Either does the church she went to before that, or the one before that. She's never spoken on the subject.

So why bring this up? Because this week I've had loads of visitors searching for "sarah palin rapture". It's clearly a question on peoples' minds.

As for "The Rapture" itself, if I can paraphrase Lisa Simpson, how come the people who actually do believe in it are always pathetic low-lifes with boring jobs?

"Oh, and you, dad..."

Glamorous Gran Contest

As a long-time feminist and atheist blogger, I'm often asked "which conservative matriarch do you think is hawtest"? The truth is, gentle readers, I like them all equally. However, we can't all be winners in life, and with that in mind I bring you PTET's first Glamorous Grandmother Contest.

The candidates await your verdict:

Cindy McCain
Pros: Funny, rubber face, good with knots
Cons: Plasters on the makeup like a trollop c__t


Sarah Palin
Pros: The future of the Republican Party
Cons: Almost certainly a killer robot


Denyse O'Leary
Pros: Lifetime supply of maple syrup
Cons: Peccadillo for flowery collars


Rexella Van Impe
Pros: I. Heart. Rexella.
Cons: That pesky Jack...


"Big" Mo Harris
Pros: My sister dreamt she was Mo's girlfriend
Cons: Not really a conservative matriarch


Vote now on the right side-bar poll. Use it or lose it!

Rexella Van Impe gies it laldy

Thanks again to Notes From Off Centre for being the sanest, sensiblist, and salubriousest Christian Blog on the Net... and for bringing Rexella into my life. Make sure you stick around for Jack's breakdown at 3:42.



And Rexella, if you're reading this... I'm always there for you if things don't work out with Jack. No pressure. As a friend.

You Suck - Which Is Why You Need Jesus

Notes from Off Centre has a hilarious parody of Jack Van Impe, a whack-job Americanian TV preacher with a kind of Bible-verse-Tourettes. Here he is, getting all hot and bothered about The Da Vinci Code...



I know how he feels. It was a terrible book. (And that Rexella chick is hawt).

In any event, reading up on Bible Jack led me to Stuff Christians Like, a great blog with great stuff - like this truly awesome "You Suck" Jesus t-shirt. As they say:

"Perhaps if the pilgrims had keychains, we could have avoided the whole Witch Trial thing."

Testify!